Sad times have come for folks eagerly awaiting the launch of Portal 2: the game has been delayed until 2011. But if it makes you feel any better, Valve has a really good reason. Turns out that making games is hard!
According to 1Up, Valve sent out a press release via email written from the perspective of fictional corporation Aperture Science (yea, the one that tried to kill you in the first Portal). The release falls back on the usual reason for delaying a game launch; that is, to make the game better. And although the first reaction of fans will most likely be sorrow, followed by anger at the world, when the emotional storm has passed everyone should be able to agree that, all in all, a higher quality game experience is worth waiting for. The humorous press release is replicated below for your reading enjoyment.
VALVE ANNOUNCES MAKING GAMES IS HARD
June 9, 2010 — Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.
Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.
“Also, the game will be even better,” they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.
To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD’S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s delegate to the EU’s Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.